I am currently in one marriage for 12 years with 3 children under 11. I love this man and the only thing that kept me from not moving away is the love we shared and still love each other which I would miss. Also I attend the same church and our kids are very happy there.
This man is good all the time except when I do not agree to some decisions and counter it. I would argue with him and he would say emotionally hurting things like I want to kill you or raise his hand or fist to punch me. This would happen at least three times in a year and he uses words like dirty woman and irresponsible woman. My kids have watched what he is doing.
He was laid off in February and I had been at work all this while. He received employment assistance from the government and moved to start his own business. My job contract comes to an end this month and he has been forcing me to look for a job. I refused and said that he needs to take responsibility for us and I need a break. I did this to make sure he gets on a job and does not use up our emergency fund.
As a father he is loving to his kids. He does all the grocery shopping and laundry and help in the kitchen at times but he was abusive to me. When I had enough I decided to do something I had not done before. I confided in our close family friends and they don’t takes sides. They are my husbands friends from before our marriage. They are both teachers in University and schools and will be retiring soon.
I have not told them about the physical and verbal abuse yet. I have only described the current situation of joblessness and that our relationship has taken a beating and my husband is forcing me to look for another job and he is annoyed that I don’t try to understand the efforts he is putting into his business . I wept all the time as I told them this and they felt I was right but are willing to intervene if my husband is OK with it. I have not kept anything from my husband and told him all I had conveyed to them.
Ever since then he changed the way he was talking to me and I felt pretty confident of myself. For once he was not repeating his senseless and baseless accusations and actually started talking to me. He said “Why did you tell them? I told you not to do so. We have to work this out ourselves.” To this I said I was not sure he was even understanding me.
If there was going to be a reconciliation he should agree to treat me as an intelligent human being and not put me down. He should be able to take my advice and stop the verbal and physical abuse. He will then have to be accountable to this couple for all his future actions. I only worried with all this he may give up on me as he knows it could be hard for him to change at times.
A year after I told our mutual friends about our problem, thankfully he and I are fine. There is no more abuse. We have enjoyed each other and are growing together. Our kids have a great time. We have learned it is OK to disagree and to give in. My husband has gone to great length to accomodate me. Above all it is the work of God to change hearts and I believe one person in a marriage can change everything when they live for Him. It changes all dynamics of life and suddenly there is so much contentment. Now I could even live in a shack because I value relationships and love shared is more than the temporary happiness money can buy. It all Joy even in difficult circumstances.
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