When you have been involved in an abusive situation, the world seems upside down. You are angry, hurt and confused as to why you had to go through this situation. You did not choose it. You don’t deserve it. It is a mighty feat to climb out of that pit of despair, especially when you feel powerless to stop it.
As you seek solutions, trying to find a way to cope, you come to a thousand conclusions but none of them seem to work. You may wish death on the person, or even wish you were dead because you feel as though that is your only way out.
Do not kill yourself. There is a solution for your troubles but first you have to stop doing things that are destructive to your well-being. You are hurting yourself more than you realize.
Stop trying to figure out why it happened.
Abuse is never your fault. It does not matter how many times you made a mistake or how clumsy you can be. A person who lashes out in anger toward you is an extremely hurt and terrified person and that usually has nothing to do with you.
When you focus your energy on figuring out what you did to provoke the abuse you are taking away precious time to prepare for your escape. Instead focus on developing the skills to support yourself.
Stop trying to figure out how to make them respect you.
They have no respect for themselves. They are not in a healthy place to be able to love or respect you and you can not help them recover. If you decide to stick around, hoping things will change, they will only respect you less and lash out more.
You are not being strong by attempting to make them respect you. They are trying to hurt you on purpose. When you stay, you are giving them permission to continue hurting you.
Stop waiting until you have everything you need before you leave.
One of the biggest obstacles that abuse victims face, from my experience, is not having the resources to leave their abuser. In my opinion, this should not be a reason to stay. If you really need this situation to be done with, you have to be willing to lose everything to gain your sanity and peace of mind.
Even if it means becoming homeless or moving into a shelter or even asking a friend to allow you to sleep on their couch, you need to leave immediately. Losing everything will not be the end of your story. Every extreme loss simply means a new foundation for your life will be built.
Do not stay.
Do not stay.
Prepare as much as you can and then remove yourself as soon as possible. Do not say goodbye. Do not rationalize. Do not pray and wait for them to change. Leave.
You deserve a good life and you do not need to stay there for any longer than you want to.
Remove yourself and rebuild your life from scratch. It will not be as devastating as you think it will be. You can do it. You can figure it out.
You are smarter than you think you are. You are stronger than you think you are. Do what you have to do to regain your peace of mind.