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whisper-408482_640I had actually just got out of a relationship with a guy I had been with for 3 1/2 years and he broke my heart when he ended it. He wasn’t abusive at all, I just want that to be known. A month after we split up my cousin introduced me to my now husband. We started dating, nothing serious. I think I was just trying to get over my ex.

Honestly I didn’t fall in love with him until we had our daughter. I just didn’t want to be alone I felt I had to be in a relationship to be happy. But he showed his abusive side from the start. He was controlling always wanting me to be home with him when he was home, many things.

It was last year probably around March when I realized that we had been together for 7 years. His dad and his cousin were living in our house and his dad is very abusive to everyone. He abused his wife physically, his kids also. He believed a woman didn’t have a right to say anything out of the way to man. So while he was here my husband told me up front not to argue with him in front of his dad. And the one time I did he made sure I didn’t do it again by slapping me on my arm in front of his dad. He spent all his time with him and didn’t give any attention to me and my kids. I was having to cook, make their plates fix their drinks and put them on the table for them and then had to clean up after them. He didn’t even ask if me or my kids had ate he was only worried about them.

I started going to college (because he told me to) and I told him on the weekends when he wasn’t working he would have to keep our kids away from me so I could study. He didn’t he would leave with his dad and stay gone all day. On my first test I made a 0, there was no coming back from that so I decided to quit but I knew I couldn’t tell him that so I continued to tell him I was going to school while I went to a friend’s house. If it would not have been for her I would have never got away from him. Well one day he came home and dinner was not done (I was still cooking) and the kids had made the living room dirty. He came in the door and started fighting with me telling me I wasn’t a good wife or mother. Well when I got done cooking I told him I was going to school, when it got time for me to come home I called him to tell him I was on my way because that’s something I had to do. He started fighting with me on the phone. I got mad and told him I was going to a friends house and I would be home when I was ready. That was a mistake. When I came home he was outside waiting for me. That was my first black eye.

A few days later I packed some clothes for me and my kids and went to my friends house. I got my mom and my cousin to get them out of the house (it’s my moms house that we were in) and they left. He called and called and called until I finally answered. He was crying telling me I was cheating on him and that’s why I made him leave and that he still wanted to be with me and that he was sorry for everything and he just said all the right things and I took him back. A few weeks later he woke up one morning and I had a message on my phone that said good morning and he flipped out said it was my boyfriend (when it wasn’t) and that was the first time he beat me.

He hit me more than 50 times. I had two black eyes, bruises all over my face, neck and behind my ears, and he pulled a hand full of hair out of my head. Before he left he said he was sorry and that he loved me and gave me a kiss. I let him leave like I forgave him and everything was fine. He took my cellphone so when I took my daughter to school I went to my cousin’s house and got her to call the cops. He is Mexican and he was here illegally so that began a lot of trouble for him. He was in the county jail for 2 months and then immigration came and got him. He was in jail a total of 6 months and the whole time I continued to talk to him. If we would not have needed $8,000 to get him out we would have been back together. He was deported to Mexico and once he got there I quit answering phone calls.

When he was in the county jail he started going to the church inside. He told me that he realized that he was a bad father and husband (which for him to say was shocking) and he apologized and just the way he was talking I could tell he had changed. He told me he needed God and since he had been there he had started reading the Bible and he had learned so much about the things he had been doing wrong. He sounded like the man I had when things were good. He is a very loving man, but he can’t control his anger. Honestly that’s the only problem. He told me he would do anything for me and our kids and that he couldn’t imagine his life without us. I asked him if he would go to anger management classes and us go to counseling, he agreed, which was also shocking. Honestly the reason I tried calling him was because I was missing him. I’m still in the house where we lived together and I have pictures of him with our kids and my son walked up to a picture and said, “That’s my daddy, he’s not coming back home.” My son just turned 3 and when he said that it broke my heart and the thought of having our family back together made me sad and want him back.

My dream life would be to have my husband back home with us, but us be happy, completely happy. We have both been through so much and we had good times and when we did they were really good. He is the only man that has honestly made sure I had whatever I wanted or needed, he took care of us. He loved us so strongly and I miss that. I miss the good times we had, he is a family man and he loves his kids more than anything. That’s what I want back that man that only shows us love, comes home and gives us all kisses and hugs and tell us he loves us.

It’s hard to get away and even harder to stay away but there is never a reason a man should disrespect a woman in any way. Even when you think you don’t have someone to help you get away I promise you can call a friend that he ran off and they will be there. There is always a way out!! And they will not change and you can not change them. They have issues that have nothing to do with you. Get out at the first chance you have. Even if that means with nothing but the clothes on your back, God will give you the help you need when you are ready!