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girl-325399_640Sometimes it seems that the guilt will never go away as you try to hide your tears beneath your blanket. You know you shouldn’t feel this way. You know that you were in a bad situation but somehow your heart can’t let go because you still love the person who hurt you.

You can’t admit that to anyone. You’re even ashamed to admit it to yourself but it’s true. You remember the bad times, the hurtful words, the stinging pain in your heart. You remember all of that but you also remember the good times, the laughter, the special smiles, the beautiful moments where everything seemed right with the world.

It wasn’t always bad. When it was bad it was REALLY bad, but it wasn’t always bad.

But yes, it was bad enough to cause damage to the point where you had to let go and you did, for your safety and mental health. You did it. You finally did it. And now, you’re hurting because you still love the person who hurt you. Why can’t you let go?

It may offer you a bit of relief to know that there is a scientific reason why you have not stopped loving someone who has hurt you. In order to understand why you still feel a connection you have to understand that during emotionally intimate relationships we develop a chemical and energetic connection with our partner. This happens regardless of whether the relationship is sexual or not.

This connection is called a limbic connection and is caused by our limbic system, an area of the brain that supports our emotions. When we become emotionally connected to someone, we develop a limbic connection between their brains and ours. The closer we become, the stronger the limbic connection becomes.

Breaking up with someone that we were limbically connected with is  tough because the connection does not go away just because we are physically apart from them. In fact, when we are disconnected from someone we love physically there can be physical pain due to the frayed connection. This pain resembles heartache. It is like tearing apart an extension chord from the middle. There is significant damage on both ends and it will take serious time to repair them.

Will I Ever Get Over This Feeling?

Yes. Of course you will. Nothing is permanent, not even this feeling you have right now.  You don’t have to feel guilty because you still love someone who has hurt you. If you ever really loved this person, from deep within your soul and wished good for their lives and wanted to see them succeed, you developed a limbic connection with them and it can not be broken easily.  Give yourself a break. Stop feeling guilty. It’s okay to love. It’s always okay to love.

Love the person. Distance yourself from the behavior.

Time will heal this disconnection as you continue to discover other things that bring you the joy you experienced with this person who has hurt you. You don’t truly miss the person who has hurt you, you are grieving what you imagined for your future together. Just because you will not have what you imagined with this particular person, doesn’t mean that it won’t happen at all.

That relationship was not the last relationship you will ever be in. That smile was not the last smile you will ever see. That was not your last chance at love. That was just a chapter in your life and it does not have to drag on and on unless you want it to.

Better exists. But you won’t experience it until you allow your eyes and heart to shift focus.